The Persistence of Ignorance

I committed myself to not allowing the ignorance and colorblindness of my cohorts to affect my experience here. But, in some cases the power of ignorance is overwhelming and supersedes my own mantras of “keeping it simple” in terms of explaining race and power to my peers. Our beach cottage weekend in Tanga this weekend allowed me to finally let go of attempting to engage in conversations on race, gender, class, or privilege with any of my white counterparts. My place in my racial journey does not allow me the leeway of breaking things down to the ignorant and attempting to have cordial and accessible conversations with peers here possible. When it comes to someone attacking my experience as a black woman and letting their own experience as an Asian and White woman inform my own experience in the states and in my own college career, the conversation has ended. The question of “why do you see things in terms of race, why is it always about race with you” has come up several times here with my white cohorts. When your primary identity is that of a black woman in the united states, race permeates every part of your identity. I feel no need to continue to explain to the Asian/White woman why I cling to my identity of being a black woman. But, I will share with my readers that being “black and proud” in a society that discriminates against blacks, a society ridden with colorblind racism and coming from an institution that devalues the black experience by allowing racist posters portraying people of color as barbarians, to say that I am proud to be of African descent is a conscious way to reclaim my dignity as a human. To say that being black and black woman fully in a society that claims I must be three identities of a black woman “the jezebel, the mammy,or the angry black woman”, in the words of Maya Angelou “And still I rise”. In retrospect, the interrogation from my biracial peer came from a place of questioning, but also a place of ignorance. For those operating in a colorblind context it is impossible to imagine a world in which differences between humans have very real and very serious consequences. My handbook on colorblind racism comes from an incredible document from the Community Anti-Racism Education Institute called 28 Common Racist Attitudes and Behaviours That Indicate a detour or Wrong Turn Into White Guilt or Defensiveness. With such certainty I can pinpoint the standpoint of my peers who have said things like ” Wow, I did not know they had TVs here” or “I am trying really hard not to be a tourist” and these comments are complemented with actions such as basically humanizing their host families and drawing comparisons to life here in Tanzania to life in the states. At this point, I am fed up. I am fed up hearing comments about how the host families do not know how to prepare the proper omelets, tired of hearing people complain that their families use a latrine instead of a toilet, tired of hearing people spew ignorance about being called “mzungu” which they certainly are in a country full of 40 million Africans. It’s getting to the point where I can’t keep silent. Something has to be said to eradicate the privilege exercised by my cohorts who are somehow getting more bold with their commentary. If they cannot deal with their status as a minority here in Tanzania then luckily, they have a departure date of when they can return to their status as a majority and powerfully privileged white person in the states. But, for people of color in the United States, do they have such a date? As a person of color when does the day come when ignorant commentary and suggestions to “just play nice with whites” end? Is there an end date for the appropriation of black culture by whites who want to consume black culture without the burden of blackness in America. While, we can theorize that through powerful workings with institutes such as the Undoing Racism workshop with Loyola New Orleans, and even new projects with University of Maryland to add to the conversations of coming to terms with the racist structures in our country and to dismantle them, no one organization has all the tools to do this. Until as Americans we face our racist history, present atrocities against people of color with a critical and honest lens, there will be no progress. Clearly, there is no progress without struggle as Frederick Douglass explained, but this black woman is exhausted. Exhausted of having to stand in a pool of well intentioned whites who just came to Africa to do well, when in reality the stories they will tell back in the States of their life here can either affirm or deny the stereotypes that Americans have of Africa. I am exhausted of being the one out of six who is enlightened and has a perspective to be honest with my shortcomings and seeking to connect with the Tanzanians who have welcomed me home. I am exhausted of the so-called “social justice” oriented whites who refuse to acknowledge the race politics of the United States and furthermore their influence of being white abroad and what that means. The good thing however is that I look to my incredible allies in the States, focus on narrating these experiences to later document in my future Ph.D work, and continue to dive into my amazing race resource library in which I find solace. I’ve done away with the hope that I could possible educate or even use my experience in the states as a jumping off point to meaningful discussions with my white counterparts because clearly they are so invested in their colorblind framework to even acknowledge that there are differences and furthermore discrimination against blacks in the United States in spite of our black president and post the Jim Crow South. The serious danger of engaging in this framework of “We’re all humans” denies that some humans regardless of our equality as people have had a seriously difficult journey to becoming fully human. From here comes my frustration. Secondly, by positioning my viewpoint of using a critical lens that analyzes race politics in modern America as seeing people strictly in terms of black and white further complicates explaining the seriousness of acknowledging America’s racist history and the implications for our society to a colorblind racist. So, in time I hope to acquire the tools to break these ideals down to “bite-size bits” as my friend Lauren Preston explains. But, now I am way too dumbfounded and frustrated with the oversimplification of colorblind framework as an approach to the complexities of race, oppression, discrimination, gender, and class. I am fed up and exhausted.